Because, Yes… Quite Frankly… Too Lazy to Eat

I’m always on the lookout for the most convenient, least time consuming breakfast on the planet. Well… at least, I have lofty dreams of finding something I 1.) Want to eat and 2.) Have plenty of time to work on real projects during/after eating. I’m pretty sure the ideal would probably be a gastric tube of some kind. I could type, and nutri-ate at the same time.

I’ve converted my lunch hour into useable time by shoving a bar or two into my purse instead of getting actual food, and now, I’m moving on.

I ordered a case of Soylent off the internet.

Coffiest flavor, for those who are curious.

This is a meal-replacement of a non-weightloss variety. It’s 400 calories a bottle, with nifty vitamins, and well… in this particular version… coffee.

Of a cold and bitter variety.

It’s basically… well… edible.

And caffeinated.

The world around me appreciates me drinking caffeine in all its glorious forms. It’s amazing how much less bitchy my coffee makes them.

We’ll see how my bottled breakfast makes me feel in a couple of weeks. I expect the low sugar (did I mention bitter) and the absence of other sweeteners (bitter!) might make it a good choice.

No, Really. It’s Butter.

I actually can cook, when I feel like it, and when I’m paying attention, and this week, I’ve had the time to do it. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and usually… well, a protein bar and a vitamin pill counts, right?

No. Apparently not. I’ve spent the last week scrambling eggs in buerre noisette, and feeling all the better for it. I’m not sure if it’s the ritual of cooking, itself, or the food, or some combination of the two, but I haven’t burned the house down, and I feel pretty good.

Mmmm. Butter.

I spent most of my childhood being admonished about how easily butter burns. I’m not sure anyone ever mentioned how tasty it could be. But they did mention that you can fix that by using margarine. Or lard.

Greetings from the land of solid, nutritious, and mostly-safe food.

You just don’t ever-under any circumstance-allow other people in your kitchen. Yes, fine. I know they’d tell me the butter is burning, and probably turn the heat down for me so fast I wouldn’t even have a chance to stop them. Yes, fine. Margarine. Uh-huh.

They’ll eat it, anyway, and tell people you’re a good cook.

 

That Quaint Thai-German Cafe You’ve Been Waiting For

As soon as the storm passes, I’m going to run away to the nearest Thai Restaurant and order something so spicy it will melt all the rest of the snow for this year, and half of next year’s snow, as well. I know a place.

I don’t get there nearly often enough—it’s a little out of the way, for me–but there’s this cafe in Plattesmouth that does incredibly good, incredibly spicy food. If you’re ever in Nebraska, it’s worth the drive. Sisters Cafe.

The story–as I remember it–is that the sisters were born in Thailand, and wound up married to American soldiers. One of them wound up staying in Thailand, and the other was stationed in Germany. Then, the husbands retired, and they all retired to Plattesmouth–which is a really gorgeous little town by the Missouri River–and started a cafe where one sister cooks Thai food and the other cooks German food.

And I lived happily ever after. The end.

Most Americans don’t do spicy. And the ones that do, well… in general, what they mean is “I added a whole lot of cayenne pepper.” Which means that it will be spicy and also bitter as cold, icy death. It’s the cotton candy of spicy foods. Spicy. Just spicy. Maybe a little sugar to kill the bitter, but more or less… One flavor.

Sisters Cafe is an exception. They serve actual, nuanced spicy food. It has flavorS. Really, really nice.

And they’re nestled between a military base and elegant bed-and-breakfast country. Have been for several years. Good location. I don’t mind getting emotionally attached.

Some Days, It’s ALL About the Pie

Today, I have been–among other places–to the happiest place on Earth… Yup, that’s right. Marcon Pies in Washington Kansas.

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You can tell the pies are good, if there are people camping outside the kitchen. Every pie should have groupies. These pies deserve them.

I like my pies a little tart, and Marcon does that really, really well. They do things with gooseberries. (Yup. Plural. Gooseberry and Gooseberry sour cream.) And their sour cream raisin is phenomenal. If you like things tart, you know how hard that is to find. This is it.

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This pie was baked today. (It will likely be gone by tomorrow, but let’s just focus on the fact that it was baked today.)

They also make the most amazing, light, flaky crusts I’ve ever had in my life. (Sorry, Grandma.)

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That would be the gooseberry, if you’re wondering.

For those of you who like your pies a little more on the kinky side, here’s the topless sugar-free chocolate.

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(If you like yours topped, there’s meringue and whipped cream, but not sugar free.)