Query Catastrophe (And Rewrite #1)

As a part of the great how-to-write-a query-letter extravaganza, I posted my query letter on a writing forum I belong to, and sat back to wait for feedback.

I’m getting precisely the feedback that I was afraid of.

Not that my letter sucks, exactly… but that the part that has to be absolutely clear in order to understand the conflict is apparently… not clear.

Ultimately, the query comes down to this:

He marries her. (In a non-stalker-y, non criminal, culturally normative (at least on his planet kind of way.) She is no way obligated to marry him back, and is essentially considered (by his culture) to be single and unmarried.

I need to make that clear, and I haven’t gotten there, yet.

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