What Do I Want?

That’s the question I’ve been thinking about quite a bit, lately. What do I want? And I’ve actually been surprised by what a tough question that is. Maybe it’s just that everybody else seems to have a head start on me. Maybe that’s just because I don’t know them well enough to know whether what they have is what they wanted, or just what they settled for.

I came really, really close to quitting my shitty day job, today. Half impulse, half built up miseries. I don’t actually know what stopped me. I’ll chalk it up to not really being the impulsive type. Not really.

I’m not happy.

I don’t know exactly how much of that is the day job, but it’s certainly not helping. I’m trying to get nothing and nothing to add up to more than that, somehow.

I know I can’t keep doing it forever.

But quit the day job?

That seems like a big step. Especially to be taken in the misery of the moment.

I’d be living off savings and parsimony from day one! And frankly, that could last a long time.

And I still want to do it. Oh, yes. How I want to do it.

It may be time to reconsider what I want in a day job. More money would be nice. A more normal schedule. Co-workers I have more commonalities with. At least a few who are working side projects, too. People who don’t look at me like I’m a very strange, and somewhat overgrown insect, when I mention that I’m writing (a) novel(s).

I actually wouldn’t even mind a challenge from time to time.

Of course, I’m talking more about a puzzle-type challenge an less “how much work can you cram into an eight hour day?”

 

5 thoughts on “What Do I Want?

  1. I was in a similar position several years ago, stuck in a job I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t bring myself to quit out of fear and that made me feel worse.
    I ended up being sacked because I got so fed-up with the situation I got into an argument with my boss. Being out of work was not good, especially since it led to debt and other problems, but somehow I still felt better because I was away from the job that was making me miserable.
    I hope you find a solution to your problem, preferably a better one than mine.

  2. Tirzah says:

    Yeah, having another job in place under you is the better idea than straight-up quitting, I expect. Sorry it’s so hideous. >_> I know it’s a ton of energy-sucking work all its own, but you should likely start searching now.

  3. A.S. Akkalon says:

    I know how much a sucky day job can drain you dry and vampire every other part of your life.

    I definitely suggest you start job-hunting for something else if you haven’t already. Taking a leap can be scary, but if you’ve been in your current position for long enough to know things aren’t going to get better, you’ll be happier risking a move now than looking back in ten years, still miserable, and wondering why you’re still there.

    Good luck! I’m rooting for you.

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