And If The Genders Were Reversed?

Some days, I think I might as well just haul out my soap box and go stand in the park lecturing, because I’m turning into an 8th grade sex-ed teacher, anyway.

Remedial sex-ed.

So, let me present my **echoes** Screenshot of Horror. **/echoes**

Uhm… who? What? Sets what record straight?

Who is even asking him to explain this, and for the continued sleep of the Elder Gods… why are they asking him to explain it?

She asked for permission to touch him, and he said no, and he had every right to say no. It really doesn’t matter if she was Kesha, or Stephan Hawking, or the Pope. And it really doesn’t matter that he’s a public figure, or that she is, too.

So, he didn’t want to be touched, and he said no, and that should have been the end of it.

No explanation necessary.

And reasons? There doesn’t have to be a reason.

The problem here is that he said no, and she kept pushing.

Once should have been enough.

The thing that made this “awkward” (My choice of words would be “creepy”) is that someone didn’t take “no” for an answer, and someone else had to repeat himself to get the message through.

I’m not as polite as Jerry Seinfeld, or maybe I don’t have as much riding on a likeable image as he does. I’m only going to say no politely once.

If this were a man pushing a woman for a hug, instead of the other way around? I don’t think it would be the person saying no who has to explain, and I don’t think “awkward” would be the word.

If the genders were reversed, the conversation would be about rape culture, and why someone has to say no three times before it sticks.

If the genders were reversed, there’d be no explain away the “awkward” session with the press. No one would ask a woman why she didn’t want to hug a man she didn’t know. Or… to be quite honest… one that she did know.

No means no, when a woman says it. At least, when she says it on the red carpet, in front of dozens of cameras.

But a man?

Well, he’s asked to explain. It’s a viral video. Why don’t you want to hug her (you freak)? Why don’t you do it to make Uncle Kesha happy? If you knew who she was, you’d want to hug her. It’s awkward, and the awkwardness is all on him.

Personally, I’m looking forward to the video from Kesha explaining why she didn’t back off and take no for an answer the first time.


  1. Reply

    Bravo on this post. If a person doesn’t wnt to be touched, they have the right not to be touched, whether the toucher and touchee are male or female. If he was a cat, she’d be nursing scratch marks right now.

  2. Reply

    This is the first I’m hearing about this, but I agree with you that a person should only have to say no once. Nobody should be pressuring anyone, male or female, into physical touch. Even if it’s “just a hug,” people don’t get to decide for others what kind of contact they should be comfortable with.

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