I think I was a little bit happier before the BBC informed me that sea lilies have anuses. (There was a diagram.) The squat lobster doesn’t quite make up for it, although, if it were a lobster doing squats instead of a lobster which is squat… I’d be willing to call it a wash.

I’m mostly exhausted, and I think it shows. I just priced lobster costumes, with the thought of doing some kind of tik-tok video… and oddly enough? It was the thought of doing squats that stopped me, not the cost of the lobster costume.

We will not discuss the fact that one of the top three results was a sexy lobster costume.

It’s almost a rule of the internet that any costume for women must be a sexy costume. So, sexy lobster… Uhm… I suppose I could just get a lobster mask, and then put a giant black rectangle over everything from the neck down. Might be cheaper.

I have to take a little time to envision the kids these days.

What does your mom do for a living?

Uhm… she’s in communications.

Uhm….

well…

YES, FINE. She’s the tik-tok lobster.