It’s nine months (more or less) into a global pandemic, and I finally bought the food dehydrator of my dreams. Six trays, and expandable to twelve. It’s a pretty basic model. Temperature control, but no timer. With a little forethought, I really could shop for a month or two at a time.

Well, I had to break down. There’s a limit to the length of time you can keep things in the oven before you realize you… uhm… actually need an oven. I was about half way through salvaging some almost-ready-for-banana-bread bananas yesterday, when I realized it was creeping toward dinner time. I enjoyed my warm bananas, but they weren’t really dehydrated bananas.

So, I sneak out to the next town over, at the @$$-crack of dawn (because city germs just don’t get up that early), put on my mask, and very carefully make my way to the sporting goods store. Between the pandemic and the @$$-crack of dawn thing, the sporting goods store has a very favorable 783 employees to me ratio. You won’t get better service, anywhere. As it turns out, the food dehydrators are exactly where you’d expect (by the venison makers) but the manager is more than happy to walk me over.

I chose the smallest model, because it stands a chance of actually fitting on my counter, and also in my cabinet. Other sizes–bargain priced, of course–include venison, and 1/2 beef. (We are not buying a half. No.) Quick sweep of the grocery store, and a takeout sandwich, and I’m on my way back home. Social event of the season.

Then comes the slicing, and the dicing and the tossing and the seasoning and… the waiting? Oh, yes. I suppose I knew about the waiting.

This is one of those situations where the dream doesn’t quite match the reality.

I was envisioning myself happily eating mountains of chewy banana treats. And eventually… maybe I will be. Right now, I’m debating whether I’m cut out for the kind of recipe that uses the word “hours” multiple times. It’s not that the recipes are all that complicated. It’s just… hours, people. Hours.

Maybe I should have gotten myself a bag of starter banana treats for the wait.

You know… banana treats to eat while I’m making banana treats?

Never mind. Come back in six and a half years, and I’ll tell you how the banana treats turned out.