It’s nearly Independence Day, and the fine folks at the radio station have been broadcasting a fairly regular round of requests from the police bomb squad not to produce, buy, sell, or detonate homemade fireworks. These can be dangerous, in addition to being illegal.

From this, you may have ascertained:

1.) We are a quite large city, and therefore, have a bomb squad.*

2.) But we maintain that hometown sense of family and connections, so we care deeply about your family, your health, and well-being. How’s  your Aunt Thelma’s gout doing, by the way?

3.) At some point in the future, we may also have an actual bomb. We will find it, investigate it, and blow it up. Just like we practiced with little Teddy Fletcher’s book bag, when he left it at school, that time.

*exact ownership of said bomb squad may vary, based on who is telling the story.