Revenge of the Zombie Computer

It took two hours for my computer to update–ANNIVERSARY UPDATE!!, the company calls it, as if it were a dozen roses, and as if I weren’t contemplating divorcing my machine at any moment.

After two hours of updates, I got the standard “guided tour” of what’s new.

Except… it wasn’t there.

So, I spent another hour tracking down an icon that didn’t show up. Apparently, if you’ve locked your task bar, the update doesn’t actually put a new icon where you can get to it. (This does not, of course, mean that it won’t hide the icons you already had.)

Then, once I had located the icon (the one for the only part of the update that sounded even marginally useful) I clicked the icon.


Nothing. I got a sticky note. Which I am supposed to be able to write on with my finger, and which I can only get results for, if I type into that sticky note with a keyboard.

In fact, most of the apps that are supposed to work with windows ink just sit there and do nothing while I wave my fingers around on the screen.

The rest of the update? Well, I’m still working my way through the tour, but I think most of it isn’t going to work with my zombie machine. (I’m not saying it’s old, but I do have to go out in the cemetery, stand on one foot, and chant the pledge of allegiance backwards to make the damn thing boot.

So, I got this thing in the bargain basement end of the universe. I’m not even slightly sure how long ago that was. I was thinking of replacing it two years ago, so… a while. And I’ve never particularly loved it.

Now, it’s old enough that some of the keys don’t always work, one of the hinges is a little broken, and when Windows 10 updates, I get updates that I just don’t have the hardware for.

Yup. I’m thinking replacements.


  1. Reply

    That’s what ended my Surface use… every time there was an update the changes would redo and disable internet. I’d have to go into Best Buy. Problem was they do like weekly updates. Was killing me. I chucked it for an iPad Pro and new MacBook and so glad I did best idea ever! Good luck!

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