It took two hours for my computer to update–ANNIVERSARY UPDATE!!, the company calls it, as if it were a dozen roses, and as if I weren’t contemplating divorcing my machine at any moment.

After two hours of updates, I got the standard “guided tour” of what’s new.

Except… it wasn’t there.

So, I spent another hour tracking down an icon that didn’t show up. Apparently, if you’ve locked your task bar, the update doesn’t actually put a new icon where you can get to it. (This does not, of course, mean that it won’t hide the icons you already had.)

Then, once I had located the icon (the one for the only part of the update that sounded even marginally useful) I clicked the icon.

And…

Nothing. I got a sticky note. Which I am supposed to be able to write on with my finger, and which I can only get results for, if I type into that sticky note with a keyboard.

In fact, most of the apps that are supposed to work with windows ink just sit there and do nothing while I wave my fingers around on the screen.

The rest of the update? Well, I’m still working my way through the tour, but I think most of it isn’t going to work with my zombie machine. (I’m not saying it’s old, but I do have to go out in the cemetery, stand on one foot, and chant the pledge of allegiance backwards to make the damn thing boot.

So, I got this thing in the bargain basement end of the universe. I’m not even slightly sure how long ago that was. I was thinking of replacing it two years ago, so… a while. And I’ve never particularly loved it.

Now, it’s old enough that some of the keys don’t always work, one of the hinges is a little broken, and when Windows 10 updates, I get updates that I just don’t have the hardware for.

Yup. I’m thinking replacements.